It’s a Matter of Perception

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.” “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh Yeah” said the son. “So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.” With this the boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”

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Each day we go through a myriad of feelings.  Sometimes we’re joyful and happy, sometimes frustrated and angry or perhaps simply in a neutral space.  One feeling lasts for a period of time and is then replaced by another one.

These feelings are the result of our perceptions about what is going on in the moment.  Our reality.  But my reality is not the same as your reality.  Imagine that you are out walking at dusk.  You turn a corner on a dusty road, see a snake and scream.  I am right behind you, turn the same corner and see only a piece of rope on the road. Same situation, different perceptions.  In the story above, the father sees poverty where his son sees abundance.

So next time you are feeling frustrated, angry and irritated, at yourself or someone else, take a moment and try to see the situation from a different perspective. Sometimes life isn’t fair and sometimes we have no control over events but there’s always another way to look at it if we just stop and take the time.

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.” — Anais Nin

Aging and Attitude

The following poem was found among the possessions of an aged lady who died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland. Unknown and with little left to give to the world, she has touched the lives of many all around the world with these eloquent words.

A Crabbit Old Woman

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?

What are you thinking when you’re looking at me?

A crabby old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,

When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill….

Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse; you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of ten … with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.

A bride soon at twenty-my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,

Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.

A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.

At fifty, once more babies play round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old woman …. and nature is cruel;

‘Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years … all too few, gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,

Not a crabby old woman; look closer, see ME!!

* * * * * * *

Remember this poem when you find yourself becoming irritated with an older person, being negatively judgmental or brushing by them without seeing the young soul inside. One day we too may be the “crabby old woman/man”!

Midlife Transition: Follow Your Passions

Don’t let what you can’t do interfere with what you can do ~ John Wooden

I always find it fascinating to read about defining moments in someone’s life. Take, for example, an article in the Washington Post this week. One of the city’s top lawyers quit a well-known legal firm after 28 years to start up his own company giving speeches to investors and financial firms on how Washington’s laws and regulations affect their investments.

As the expert tax lawyer for the sports industry, not only did he make a substantial income, but he had access to the best sports tickets, attended all-star games, playoffs and Super Bowls and schmoozed with the “Who’s Who” in the field.  He appeared to be living a great life.  What more could he want?

What he wasn’t getting, however, was fulfillment.  He got to a point in his life when, in his words, “my two choices were to sit at my desk and do the same thing for the next 15 years. Or I could go out and do something different.”  He did something different!  Was it a tough choice? Yes, but the overwhelming need to follow that inner spark, that passion, was a driving force to make the change.

Wouldn’t it be great if you had something to get you that motivated and excited?  You can … by finding and following your passion. If you’d like to learn more, go to http://budurl.com/h7zj

In the words of Thoreau, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Make this summer the time you find something new to be passionate about. Let your “can do” take the driver’s seat so that any “can’t do” gets left in the dust!

The Key to Getting Out of the Midlife Career Rut: Eliminate PDD (Passion Deficit Disorder)

What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of a career?  Probably not “passion”.  For most people being passionate about their career is a dream, at least according to a 2005 Harris Interactive Study which found that only 20% of people were passionate about what they were doing.

If you are currently at a crossroads in your life and in a rut, not knowing how to climb out, perhaps it’s time you started discovering what you’re passionate about.  The journey will bring clarity and focus. It will help you find possibilities and directions.  Following your passions is about work becoming a joyful experience, about days becoming more meaningful, about happiness showing up more frequently and about relationships becoming more meaningful.

Your passions will change over time.  What you love to do today will probably not be the same in 20 years.  Perhaps you’re a person who doesn’t find their passion until later in life. Take for example, John James Audubon, one of the greatest wildlife artists. He was an unsuccessful businessman for most of his life. It didn’t matter how many times he changed locations, partners or businesses, he failed miserably.  Not until he understood that he had to change himself did he have a chance of succeeding. So what changes did he make? He followed his passion.  He always loved the outdoors and was a great hunter. In addition he was a good artist and would draw birds as a hobby. His life changed when he started doing what he loved.

To get started on this road to discovery, take some time, sit down and write out your answers to the following questions. Go with your first impulses.

• What do you love to do?
• What kind of environment do you love to be in? Predictable and slow-paced or fast-paced and constantly changing?
• What kind of people do you love to be around?
• If you could swap jobs with two other people, who would they be and why?
• Are you more comfortable in a large or small organization?  One that is formal, conservative, or creative?
• What excites you, turns you on, gets you charged up?
• What are you “a natural” at?  What do people compliment you on?
• What did you like about previous jobs that you would love to do again?
• What do you need from an organization or team to be motivated?
• What opportunities for advancement and development do you need?
• How important is long-term job security?
• Do you need a high or low level of responsibility or influence?
• How important is recognition of success?
• Is work/life balance a priority for you?
• Do you like to be under the pressure of constant deadlines or targets?
• Is being creative important to you?
• How far are you willing to commute?
• What sort of volunteering would you like to do? Is that also a possible career?
• If you could be a teacher, what two subjects would you like to teach?
• Imagine someone gave you $500,000 to invest in a business venture. What would it be?
• If you could attend any conference anywhere in the world at no cost, what would the topic be?

Once you’ve answered these questions for yourself, you’ll have a better idea of the direction in which you might want to head.  If you’re still in a fog, take a F-R-E-E profile analysis to gain greater insight into your current situation and make your vision of the future even clearer.

It’s pretty cool! Check it out here:

Attitude is a Matter of Choice

What are you sculpting today?

The Sculptor’s Attitude

“I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or … I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or … I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or … I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or … I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or … I can celebrate that the thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or … I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or … I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or … eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or … I can feel honored because God has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY … unless you have other plans.”

—Author Unknown

This piece spoke to me because of a recent client. He had just completed an assessment which pinpointed how his THINKING, (not the situations) was not only causing stress in his life and leading to health issues but also keeping him from being successful. Seeing it “on paper” was a real AHA moment for him.

We talk to ourselves all day and 90% of it is negative. If you’re at all familiar with some of the quantum physics concepts, you know that what you put out into the world is what you get back. The more negativity you put out there, the more negative situations you will find around you.

So next time you have a negative thought, STOP, and turn it into a positive one. It can’t hurt and it might just change your life. It’s your choice!

What Stands Between You and What You Want?

The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible. — Richard M. DeVos

This particular comment spoke to me because of something that happened recently.

My husband and I attended an evening at the Austrian Embassy in Washington DC. Not only was the focus of the evening on the particular part of the country that is my birthplace but it also featured an art exhibit. At one point in the evening raffle tickets were being sold. I don’t often participate in raffles but this one was special.

The raffle was for a work of art by an artist who had been educated at the same art school in Austria that my mother attended back in the early 1940s. Not only that, but she knew the same professor. Something about the connection “spoke to me” so we bought six tickets. I just knew the painting was meant for me!

If you guessed that they called my number, you are correct. That unlikely connection made me want to try and I believed it was possible. Some people may call it coincidence. I choose to call it The Law of Attraction at work. If you have the vision, are totally committed and take action, anything is possible!

What do you want in life?

Do you have the will to try and get it?

Do you truly believe it’s possible?

Choose to Enjoy Being Alone

A Relationship with Self

Enjoy Being Alone

Being Alone

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with our selves, mind, body and spirit.

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with our selves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives-from birth onward-this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship-the one with our true selves.

This article is printed from DailyOM – Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day.
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When I’ve been Unsuccessful, I’ve been Controlled …

When I’ve been unsuccessful, I’ve been controlled. When I’ve been successful, I’ve been in control – Katherine Hepburn

Questions to Ask Yourself…

• If your life is out of control, who or what is “calling the shots”?  (You may not be able to abdicate your responsibilities, but you can control the way you view them)

• Why are you allowing the who or what to control you?  (You must be gaining some benefit by allowing this to happen. If you weren’t getting something out of it, you would change it)

• What will happen if you take back control?   (It may not be as bad as you think)

• Do you know what taking back control looks like?  (Clarity is the first step)

Action Steps

• Decide on what the most important thing in your life is right now.

• Take just one step that will give you back some control and then follow it up with more small steps.

• Understand that it’s YOUR choice.

You can’t ignore external life situations but you’ll never be successful if you allow them to control your thoughts and emotions. Blaming them for your success or failure is like waking up in the morning and asking someone else how you should feel.

Listen With Your Heart

“It seems rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners” –Erma Bombeck

In today’s world many people suffer from “agenda anxiety”, a term author, consultant, motivational speaker Nido Qubein uses for “the feeling that what we want to say to others is more important than what they might want to say to us.” So instead of truly listening to the other person, we are already formulating what we want to say in our minds.

When communication is lacking, relationships suffer. If you want to improve your relationships, practice listening from the heart and then speaking.

The authors of Managing From the Heart discuss what it means to communicate from the heart. Here are the five principles of “H-E-A-R-T” communication:

H – Hear and understand me.

E – Even if you disagree, please don’t make me wrong.

A – Acknowledge the greatness within me.

R – Remember to look for my loving intentions.

T – Tell me the truth with compassion.

Next time you’re involved in a conversation, focus on listening without giving any thought to your response.  It is only by communicating from the heart that you can make a difference.

Midlife: Do You Let Your Inner Child Come Out and Play?

Most of us feel we are supposed to be one personality and wonder why we often feel like life is not working out the way we want it to. One minute we feel one way and then a few minutes or hours later we feel another way. The thing is, we are not just one person but a multitude of different sub-personalities who all want their “time in the sun.”

The work personality wants to get the job done while the play personality wants to relax and enjoy life. So we bounce back and forward feeling guilty when one runs the show and won’t let the other one out. Perhaps it is time you let the “playful child” lead you by the hand.

Some people are in touch with their playful inner child but many of us have suppressed or buried that personality because somewhere along the way we discovered that it wasn’t safe. Over the years we built stronger defense systems as a means of protection till the needs of “the child” were nowhere near being fulfilled. So the challenge is getting back in touch with your playful self.

There are many ways to do this but one of my favorites is playing with a puppy. Perhaps for you it’s a kitten. Any young animal is a delight to watch. Their carefree playfulness, their antics and the unconditional love they display can bring out that inner child, make you smile and warm your heart.

Start to think about some things that are fun and that you can include in your daily life. Even if it’s just a few minutes in the morning or the evening, find out what your “child” likes to do. You will bring more balance, joy, fulfillment and harmony into your life.

(The photo is one of my niece’s new puppies.  She and her husband breed Alaskan Malamutes in Australia.  Isn’t he just the cutest!)