Midlife: Following Your Passions: If Not Now, When?

There are a number of reality shows out there in TV land.  They feature dancers, singers, models, fashion designers, home designers, chefs etc. etc. The only show along those lines that I’ve ever really followed is Dancing With the Stars though I have to admit I enjoy the food-related ones as well.

What makes people appear on those shows?  Probably a number of different reasons but the bottom line is that they are passionate about the skill they bring to the show.  They give their all. They are focused on being absolutely the best they can be at their craft.  All in the hopes of winning and being able to fulfill the dream of living their passion.  Every decision they make, every sacrifice is based on following their passion.  Some are successful, some aren’t.

Take Paul Potts, the winner of the Got Talent competition, for example. He always liked opera. With his self-confidence at rock bottom because he was always “different”, he sang in private to console himself.  At the age of 37, nervous and shy, he nonetheless showed up for the audition of Britain’s Got Talent competition and launched into a spectacular tenor aria Nessun Dorma. The judges and the world were stunned. He went on not merely to win, but to sing for the Queen. And now having produced a hugely popular CD he is touring the world.

Are you following your passions?  If not, why not?

All too often we make choices that are not in favor of our passions because we can’t see HOW that passion could possibly be fulfilled. You are not responsible for the HOW.  Your job is to get crystal clear on the WHAT. Once you are focused on and totally committed to the WHAT, the HOW will take care of itself. By taking even small action steps you will find opportunities coming to you that you hadn’t even imagined. When Paul Potts committed to the WHAT, the HOW appeared.

You can discover your passions without spending agonizing months in front of audiences and a panel of judges.  Let The Passion Test(tm) help you become clear on those five things that would leave you feeling terribly unfulfilled if you didn’t accomplish them during your life.  If not now, when?

Midlife Lifestyle: Time to Bring Back Conversation

The following article got my attention because it covers a topic that had just been on my mind.

My husband and I recently returned from a trip to Orlando (part business, part pleasure).  While there we found an incredible restaurant/wine and jazz bar where we had a delicious meal, excellent service and great conversation.

During the evening a “middle-aged”, well-dressed, professional-looking couple came in and were seated a few tables away.  Since they were in my line of sight I couldn’t help but notice them during the hour or so that they were there. The interesting part was that they probably only spoke with one another for about 10 minutes during the whole time. Didn’t they have anything else to say?

Obviously, there could have been a number of reasons they weren’t communicating (just had a fight, jet lag, etc) but my thought was “how sad.”  As the following article goes on to state, we have, in many cases, lost the art of conversation.

Perhaps it’s time we brought it back!

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Is the Art of Conversation Dying?

(And if so, why?)

Broadly speaking, I’d answer with “Yes.”  I notice much less of this art than I did a few decades ago.

Another way I respond to this question is that “The artists of conversation are dying off, and there are fewer remaining.”

Why are they “dying off”?

As with the pandemic of obesity and poor health, if people have too little exercise and too much junk food, their health will fail. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc.

The same is true with the art of conversation: It’s a “use it or lose it” situation.

Here are some key reasons why this art seems to be dying:

1.  We live in a hurry-up world that doesn’t support lengthy conversations. The main way people learn and maintain skills in the art of conversation is the amount of time they devote to it.  But if everyone’s rushing and too busy to talk, their skills suffer.

2. Conversation has been replaced by television as a form of social and family entertainment.  Although you may go to the home of friends to watch a TV show or a DVD, you are less likely to pay a visit for an evening of talk.  The number of hours Americans spend watching television is huge compared to the time they spend talking.

During my childhood, family friends and their kids would come for a visit and an evening of coffee and conversation.  We kids would play board games or cards.   Sometimes kids would just listen to the grown-ups, especially if one of them was a good story-teller.  Nowadays?  Not so much.  In fact, almost not at all.

3.  True “third places” are fewer. Not the home or the workplace, but a place that is highly accessible and free or inexpensive for food and drink such as lodges, bowling alleys, neighborhood pubs, coffee shops.  At best, they’re like the bar in the classic TV show Cheers, “where everybody knows my name.”

Robert Putnam of Harvard wrote his book, Bowling Alone (2000) to describe the “The Collapse and Revival of American Community.”    Since its publication I have seen a continuing collapse - but not many signs of revival.

4.  My guess:  Conversation skills are not valued in our society as they once were. Rarely do I hear a person described as “well-spoken,” or as a “fascinating conversationalist.”   I used to hear such phrases as compliments that identified a person.

What is valued is sought after.  My belief is that if conversation skill were highly valued, hundreds of courses and programs would spring up to support people to master the skill.

What can you do to maintain or grow your art of conversation?

• Participate in a book club where members discuss ideas.  (Most public libraries host or know about such clubs in your community.)
• Join or form a “conversation café.”  The rules for setting up such an activity are pretty simple, and get-togethers are held in local coffee shops.  Check www.conversationcafe.org for details.  Or form a “MasterMind Group”  with a few associates to help advance toward your goals.
• Defy convention and host “an evening of conversation” at your home. Turn off the tube.  Play a word game like “Fictionary” to get people talking.  Or create some “Getting to Know You” conversation starters.
• Identify the smart and articulate people in your life and invite one of them for a walk or a cup of tea for the purpose of sharing your thoughts in a deeper conversation.  (This can work, as philosopher Theodore Zeldin has demonstrated with his popular “Feast of Conversation” events in London where hundreds show up for the opportunity to talk about deep ideas with a complete stranger.)

Just as staying trim and fit takes some time and effort with exercising and eating wholesome food, keeping your art of conversation alive also takes a some special effort.

The Better Conversations Newsletter by Loren Ekroth.  Reprinted with permission.  Copyright 2010.  All Rights Reserved.  Dr. Loren Ekroth is the publisher of “Better Conversations” newsletter since 2002.  For a free subscription to The Better Conversations newsletter visit www.conversationmatters.com

Midlife: Are You the Chicken or the Eagle?

Our lives are shaped by the way we perceive ourselves.  Sadly, those perceptions are often a long way from the truth but we nonetheless behave and live as if they were true. How many times have you stopped yourself from living your dreams because you “didn’t deserve to”, “weren’t good enough to”, “didn’t have the right background”, “weren’t smart enough” or a myriad of other “good” reasons?

A perfect example of this is a story that comes from American Indian folklore. According to the legend, an Indian brave found an eagle’s egg that had somehow fallen, without breaking, from its nest. Not being able to find the nest, the brave put the egg in a prairie chicken’s nest, where the mother hen hatched it.

When the young eagle took his first steps into the world what he saw were the other prairie chickens.  So naturally he did what they were doing - scratching the ground, running around and pecking here and there looking for grains and husks. Every now and again they would use their wings to fly a few feet above the ground. This was the way he perceived life was meant to be and this was how he lived for most of his days.

The legend continues with how one day an eagle flew over the chickens. The now elderly eagle, still thinking he was a prairie chicken, looked up in awe and admired the bird as it soared through the sky. “What is it?” he asked, astonished.  One of the chickens replied, “That is an eagle, the proudest, strongest and most magnificent of all the birds. But don’t imagine that you could be like that. You are one of us and we are just prairie chickens.”

And so, imprisoned by this belief, the eagle lived and died thinking he was prairie chicken.

Think “impossible” and dreams get discarded, projects get abandoned, and hope for wellness is torpedoed.  But let someone yell the words “It’s possible,” and resources we hadn’t been aware of come rushing in to assist us in our quest.  I believe we are all potentially brilliant and creative-but only if we believe it, only if we have an attitude of positive expectancy toward our ideas, and only if we act on them. - Greg Anderson, “The 22 Non-Negotiable Laws of Wellness”

What are You Reflecting in Midlife?

House of 1000 Mirrors (Japanese folktale)

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly-looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place and I will never go back there again.”

What kinds of reflections do you see? Do they change depending on how joyful and engaged in life YOU are?  If you don’t like what you see, perhaps you need to take the first step of looking within.

Midlife Mist

Over the holidays we’ve had some interesting weather here in the Washington DC region. Cold winter weather with a snowstorm followed by unseasonably warmer weather which caused late-night and early-morning fogs. As I drove through these foggy conditions, I started thinking about the fog we can sometimes feel like we’re in at certain times of our lives.

Feeling unfocused and befuddled we may feel like we can’t see what direction we are headed in.  All of a sudden we are stuck because we’re afraid we might run headlong into “something hidden in the fog.” Sometimes it takes a fog to slow us down so that we can become still and go within.  Perhaps there is an important lesson here that we need to learn.  Is there an emotional issue that we need to deal with? Are we bored and unmotivated in a job? Have we lost our way in life and need to find the light in the mist to get us back on track?

It’s uncomfortable being in a fog, but when the sun comes out, the fog lifts. You can find that sun inside by determining what is important to you in your life right now. What would get you excited and motivated to jump out of bed in the morning? What are you really passionate about? What do you do that seems to make time stand still?

Harness that excitement, start to take some steps in the direction of your passions and you will feel the warmth of the sun dispersing the fog around you. Those foggy times in our lives come and go.  When one surrounds you, don’t let impatience take over.  Stop, redirect your attention onto your inner light and let it guide you out into the sun. 

Midlife: Deserting Our Ideals

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
-Samuel Ullman (from “Youth”), businessman and poet (1840 - 1924)

Are you becoming disillusioned with your life?  Not sure what your purpose is? Think you’ve found your purpose but it isn’t “moving you to tears”?  These are some of the questions that participants in my classes grapple with. 

Discovering what is truly important to you is an “inside job.”  You can’t think your way there using your mind.  Go within by focusing on your heart (it may even help to put your hand over your heart) and let the feelings bubble up. If you start to get excited about a particular path, follow it and see what else comes up.  Some people find it difficult to connect to the heart so it may take some time.  Don’t let impatience and the need to find the answer get in the way of allowing the journey to happen.

Ask Yourself…

What ideals have you deserted? 

In what area have you become less than enthusiastic about your life?

Action Steps …

Look at your ideals - to see why they have changed.

Become your own architect - create something that will make you jump for joy every time you think about it.

What one small step can you take TODAY to stop your soul from wrinkling?

Midlife: With or Without Color?

From …                                                                          To …

Life with Passion

Life without Passion

A 2005 Harris Interactive Study showed that only 20% of Americans are passionate about what they do. That leaves 80% who are leading lives somewhere from “quiet desperation” to “dull and boring.”  Life without color!

This theme came through loud and clear in a movie I saw this past week – “An Education.”  It’s the coming-of-age story about a young teenage girl in the early sixties in suburban London.  Her parents, especially her mother, appear to be living lives relatively close to the “quiet desperation” end of the continuum. 

Jenny wants something more out of life and finds it when she meets a playboy twice her age. Her “grey” life all of a sudden becomes filled with color. Her passion for the exciting new lifestyle leads her to experiences she could only have imagined in her dreams, at least for a while. I’ll leave the story there so as not to spoil the ending in case you see the movie.

The point here: passion for living, for doing those things that are truly important to you, will add so much color to each day. You will wake up with a new zest for life … joyful and excited, ready to take on each new challenge. Passion is the motivator that will help you achieve success.

If you don’t know what you’re passionate about, take The Passion Test™. The participants in my workshop this past weekend found it to be a real eye-opener!  Contact me - evelin@blueprints4change.com

Midlife Dreams: Do You Believe They’re Possible?

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” -­ Richard M. DeVos

Points to Ponder 

What do I want from life?

What is standing between me and getting it?

How would I feel if I never achieved what I wanted?

How will I feel when I get what I want?

Do I believe getting what I want is possible?

Take Action!
                          
If you don’t know what you truly want, take the time NOW to find out. Don’t leave this life with “if only I had followed my heart.”

Imagine the feeling of getting what you want – joy, excitement, enthusiasm for life, bliss, contentment. Focus on it as often as you can.

If you don’t believe it’s possible, ask yourself “why not?”  The answers will undoubtedly be self-limiting beliefs that can be overcome.

Commit to taking one step, today, towards overcoming whatever is blocking you.

Midlife and Thereafter: Instead of a Nursing Home

There will be no nursing home in my future…

When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don’t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. And don’t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

How about that for a great plan for the future?

Would anyone actually consider living this sort of life?  Yes indeed…

Bea Muller, an 86-year-old retiree, has been a permanent resident on Cunard’s Queen Elizabeth 2 since 5 January 2000. Her husband had passed away while the couple was on a world cruise 11 months earlier, and rather than opt for a retirement home, Mrs Muller sold her house and possessions and booked herself onto the ship.  She is not the first-time long cruiser: Cunard had one previous guest, Clair MacBeth, who lived on board for 14 years.

If you have no idea of what your “midlife or thereafter” looks like, consider taking The Passion Test to get clear on your new direction.  Contact me [evelin(at)blueprints4change.com] for further information.

Midlife: Find your Hidden Treasures!

Don’t let fear stop you from venturing into the unknown. It’s a glorious meadow filled with hidden treasures. Dance through it till you find the gold — Evelin Saxinger, ND

Field of Treasures

Points to Ponder 

What unknown am I facing right now?

What am I afraid of?

How would doing the unknown make a difference in my world?

What’s the worst that could happen?

What’s the best thing that could happen?

Take Action!
                          
Look for a way to meet the fear head on. It probably won’t be as bad as you think.

Imagine the feeling of finding the hidden treasures.

Start dancing!

When you find the treasures, reward yourself and celebrate!